


Minutt for Minutt

by Kaylajojo



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Isak has OCD, M/M, Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 02:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11265801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylajojo/pseuds/Kaylajojo
Summary: Obsessive-compulsive disorder or better known as OCD is characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviors.





	1. Ready?

_Obsessive-compulsive disorder or better known as OCD is characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviors._

 

Isak almost snaps when there is a light tap on the door of the bathroom. His knuckles go white on the edge of the sink but he forces himself to take a deep breath and put on a smile before he turns around. He usually isn’t the type to take these types of frustrations out on others, he prefers to take them out on himself. When he turns he finds Even poking his head just past the door frame, hesitant to come in and disturb Isak.

 

“You okay?” Even asks gently.

 

There, leaning against the door frame is the most gorgeous boy in Isak’s life, the one who on Isak’s hardest days knows how to make Isak’s racing mind slow down, the boy who while going through his own daily life with a mental illness wants to help Isak go through his. His boy, his favorite person, the man of his life. 

 

“Yeah, sorry my mind just got out of sorts there for a minute but I am all good right now,” Isak smiles, bringing his clenched hands from the sink.

 

“You sure?” Even asks again as he files into the tiny bathroom and approaches a shaky Isak. 

 

“I mean truthfully, everything is just too much right now and I keep checking things and re-checking which is making my head hurt because for some reason my brain won’t understand that the damn sink is off and I just really want everything to stop for a minute,” Isak sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

“I’m sorry that you’re hurting Iss,” Even breathes.

 

Isak isn’t really sure how to respond to that right now, his throat feels half closed. Isak figures Even understands though. Even’s hand comes out to cup Isak’s cheek and Isak feels like every single one of his nerve endings has migrated to the patch of skin just under Even’s palm. Then Even brushes his thumb across Isak’s cheekbone. Isak looks up at Even and his breath always catches in his throat when he meets Even’s eyes, he will never get over how soft they are, how kind. Even’s nose nudges softly at his cheek. Isak’s eyes close and he finds himself relaxing into Even’s touch. Even pulls back, but only a fraction of an inch, his hand still cradling Isak’s cheek.

 

“I wish I could make you feel better. If anyone deserves to feel better it’s you,” Even says, his voice low and warm and all the things that makes the pressure in Isak’s brain ease.

 

If only Even knew just how much better he makes Isak feel.

 

Isak lets out the shaky breath he was holding in. Even’s nose nudges at Isak’s cheek again and Isak tips his chin up the tiniest bit. When Even’s lips touch Isak’s it’s soft, gentle, and warm. Everything else falls away. He can’t feel the pressure in his brain or the itch in his hands, he can’t even feel the weight that is always resting on his chest, trying to press him into the ground. He feels weightless, but then just like that Even pulls back and reality returns.

 

“You know we don’t have to go to Eva’s party I am sure she would understand baby,” Even offers, hating to see his love so stressed.

 

No, Isak definitely does not need anyone to know how bad it has been getting with the OCD aspect of his life. All of the boys know to a point and the girls are aware considering the two groups are now intertwined but Isak doesn't want anyone to know the specifics of it, Isak doesn't need the pity, he can’t stand it.

 

“I know Ev, and thanks, but I want to go out and have good time, plus it might get my mind off of whats going on up here,” Isak sighs, motioning to his head. 

 

“Okay, but if you feel bad or anxious at any point during the party you and me can leave and come back here and relax,” Even reassures while placing a light kiss to the tip of Isak’s nose. 

 

Even then sees himself out of the bathroom and lets Isak finish what he was doing, which means that Isak checks that the sink is off once more and then checks again. Just as Isak is about to leave the bathroom he sees himself in the mirror and lets out a sigh and contemplates whether or not he should really be going to Eva’s party. Isak loves his friends to death and definitely wants to be there for Eva but he’s barely keeping it together with the ever growing anxiety that comes with him being OCD. 

 

Isak’s OCD as of right now has him terrified of forgetting to turn the sink off because he could flood the bathroom. However the sink obsession is new, a more common and potentially feasible fear for Isak is leaving on a hot item that can cause a fire. An occurrence with this is when Isak stares at the switches on the stove, leaves the room, only to come back in and check again. The list of things Isak checks could go on and on and it is wearing Isak thin. 

 

Isak sighs and rubs his eyes, trying to ignore the way his brain cries when he walks out of the bathroom and doesn't check that the sink was off again.

 

Once Isak sees Even waiting for him by the door Isak finds it easier to ignore the ache in the head, and the buzz in his hands because Even will always be waiting for him to finish his routines no matter how long it takes, and god he loves Even with his whole heart. 

 

Once out the door Even stands by Isak patiently as Isak methodically locks and re-locks the door. Isak does this about three or so times before he feels okay enough to step away from the door and turn to Even. Even hates the look in Isak’s eyes when he stops doing one of his routines, it’s almost a look resembling someone being caught doing something that they shouldn’t. 

 

“Ready?” Even asks hesitantly. 

 

“Ready.”

 


	2. I Can Never Relax Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak hasn't been fine for a few days and sometimes your mind gets the best of you.

”Are you coming to bed?” Even asked quietly into the nighttime air. The two had left Eva’s party after William had shown up, something about William’s presence made Isak collapse in on himself and stop interacting, which propelled Even to make the decision to leave. Even’s head was now poked into the kitchen and gazing towards the figure at the sink. It was nearly 2 am and Isak was standing at the sink washing something. 

 

“I need to wash this pocket change I was given today, it could be contaminated and make you sick,” Isak replied just as quietly. 

 

Even sighed softly and walked over to Isak and pressed a kiss to his temple and told him that whenever he was done with his washing that Even would be in bed and that Isak could take his time. 

 

Even got into bed and stared up at the ceiling. This was the third day in a row that Isak hadn’t slept properly. Whether he was checking the stove or he was washing his pocket change it seemed that Isak’s OCD was fighting Isak hard this week. 

 

After about 20 minutes and some thought the dam broke.

 

“Fuck!” Even heard Isak curse

 

“Isak?” Even called out.

 

Nothing.

 

Even jumped out of bed and went into the kitchen to find a crumpled and frantic Isak crying his eyes out. 

 

“Calm down. Shh, shh…” Even kept his voice low, being careful not to frighten Isak.

 

“I can’t do this, Even!” Isak yelled desperately into his hands. “I-I have to finish cleaning this but it is never clean enough for me and I am so fucking tired and I just wanted to get into bed with you but then my stupid brain was like ‘maybe the change isn’t clean and you could have brought some illness into the apartment and it could hurt Even’ and I don’t want to hurt you!” Isak cried and took a deep shallow breath and kept hiding his face from Even.

 

Isak’s reaction made Even truly nervous. It wasn’t the first panic attack Even had witnessed him have. It didn’t happen often, but it was still scary and nerve-wracking to witness. 

 

“It’s just…” Isak stopped completely and looked Even in the eyes. Even wrinkled his forehead slightly and stared at Isak, concerned, and worried, but most of all, Even just wanted to wrap his arms around Isak and hold him close until he calmed down, but it had to be at Isak’s own pace right now. Even knew he shouldn’t pressure Isak to do anything he maybe wasn’t ready to right now. The tears were just streaming down Isak’s cheeks, and before Even got the chance to do anything, Isak stood up abruptly and walked over to throw his arms around Even. His sudden movements took Even by surprise and caused Even to be froze for a second, but quickly followed Isak’s lead and placed his hands on Isak’s back. Even sighed softly, resting his chin on Isak’s shoulder, and then Even started rubbing Isak’s back gently, comforting him the best he knew how.

 

Even felt Isak grab a hold of the back of his hoodie before Isak started crying properly into Even’s shoulder, making himself shake really violently. Isak must’ve been overwhelmed with all of the emotions and tiredness due to the stress and lack of sleep he had been through the last couple of days. Sometimes you just needed to cry, and Isak needed that right now.

 

“Isak?” Even whispered carefully. 

 

“I can’t do this, Ev” Isak sobbed and clung harder onto Even’s hoodie.

 

“I’m not asking you to do anything baby,” Even whispered, squeezing Isak a little tighter. “Let’s sit down instead.” Even gently pushed Isak away from his body and led him to their bed.

 

“Deep breaths, everything is fine, okay?” Even told him. Isak nodded unsteadily and closed his eyes. Even pulled him back into a hug and leaned back on the pillows. Even could still feel Isak’s body shake a little in his arms.

 

The two stayed in silence for a few minutes, just letting Isak calm down.

Isak rested his head down on Even’s chest, letting Even drag his fingers through Isak’s hair.

 

“I’m ready to listen if you want to talk,” Even whispered and kissed the top of his head.

 

"Why are you so good to me?" Isak voices the question nervously.

 

Even gives a little shrug and nuzzles softly at Isak's hair, "Because I love you, Isak," Even says easily.

 

Isak’s breathing slows. Isak sometimes feels like the farthest thing from lovable. He feels he doesn't have a single feature worthy of love, especially not Even’s. He's accepted that a long time ago. How could someone love someone like him. How could someone like Even love someone like him. He couldn't, it isn't possible.

 

Isak comes so close, so painfully close to saying everything that his mind has been putting him through these past few days before his brain finally catches up with his heart and his body and stops the words in their tracks.

He swallows the words back down. Isak thinks maybe Even knows he was about to say something, because there is nothing but compassion and understanding in his eyes when he presses a kiss to Isak’s lips and then, of course, Even is kind enough to be patient and let Isak catch his brain back up to his body before speaking.

 

Isak gives a small nod and bites on his lip, "I feel like I can never relax ever, even at Eva’s party I was terrified that I hadn’t turned the sink off and then William showed up and he makes me so fucking nervous because my brain is repetitively telling me that he is dangerous and that he is going to kill everybody and for gods sake just a few minutes ago I was washing money,” he says eventually, and Even has to strain to hear his voice, "even with my own fucking friends I can’t relax. And I just want to be normal and I want my brain to just be quiet but it just won’t and this is eventually going to get old for you Even and you are going to leave because I know if I could leave me I would,“ Isak cries, face burying back into Even’s neck.

 

Even is shaking his head before Isak finishes his sentence, "Isak I love every bit of you and that includes fears, and routines, I swear to you Iss that I love being with you and nothing is going to change that especially not your OCD.”

 

Isak pulls back and his eyes meet Even’s. Even doesn't know what Isak is searching for as his eyes rove Even’s face, he doesn't even know if Isak believes that he still loves him regardless of how bad his OCD gets. He hopes though, that Isak’s brain will give Isak a break and let him relax and just believe what Even is telling him.

 

"I don't want you to stop," Isak whispers.

 

"Stop what?" Even asks, "Loving you?”

 

When Isak nods it sends Even’s heart up into his throat.

 

"Sweetheart love doesn't work like that. Love doesn't just stop," Even says softly.

 

"It does," Isak groans, and the pain in his voice makes Even’s chest ache, "it just stops all the time.”

 

"Mine won't Isak. I'm not going to stop, especially not now and definitely not because of your OCD. I'll love every single bit of you," Even whispers, hand coming up to cup Isak’s cheek.

 

"You don't know that," Isak sighs, not meeting Even’s gaze.

 

"Hey," Even murmurs, raising Isak's chin so their eyes meet, "I do know that, and even if you don’t believe me just remember what you told me when I felt like you and me couldn't make it because of me being bipolar.”

 

Isak’s eyes are soft and earnest and the look in them breaks Even’s heart. He can see it in Isak’s eyes that he is struggling so hard to believe the words he said and the words Even is reminding him of. Even can't stand knowing how hard it is for Isak to believe that he is loved, to believe that Even isn't just going to walk away if he doesn't have the best of days. That pain in Isak’s eyes is real and it's visceral and Even doesn't understand it, but he hopes one day he will get that pain to leave Isak’s eyes. Even will do everything in his power to take as much of that pain away as he can.

 

“Minutt for Minutt right?” Even calmly asks running his hand through Isak’s soft hair

 

“Minutt for Minutt.” Isak repeats hesitantly 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya liked it babes! 
> 
> Tumblr: PrincelyIsak

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ! Hope you liked this chapter !
> 
> Tumblr: PrincelyIsak


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